Thomas's translation of Akhmatova's Requiem

[Alexandra Smith]

Dear Inna,

I forgot to say in my previous e-mail that I pesonally find Thomas's  
translation too wordy. To my mind, Akhmatova's laconic and highly  
compressed language is exteemely effective because of its minimalist  
qualities...
In this respect Stanley Kunitz and Max Hayward tried to reproduce the  
minimalist thrust of Akhmatova's poem with some degree of success,  
although their version is not ideal either.
Compare, for example, the two versions:



1.Akhmatova:
Приговор

И упало каменное слово
На мою ещё живую грудь.
Ничего, ведь я была готова,
Справлюсь с этим как-нибудь.
У меня сегодня много дела:
Надо память до конца убить,
Надо, чтоб душа окаменела,
Надо снова научиться жить,
А не то... Горячий шелест лета,
Словно праздник за моим окном.
  Я давно предчувствовала этот
Светлый день и опустелый дом.

2. Thomas

The Sentence

Then fell the word of stone on
My still existing, still heaving breast.
Never mind, I was not unprepared, and
Shall manage to adjust to it somehow.
Thank God, I've mane things to do today ? I
Need to keel and kill again
My memory, turn my heart to stone, as
Well as practice skills gone rusty, such
As to live, for instance... then there's always
Summer, calling out my Black Sea dream!
Yes, long ago 1 knew this day:
This radiant day, and this empty house.

3. Kunitz and Hayward:

  The word dropped like a stone
on my still living breast.
Confess: I was prepared,
and somehow ready for the test.

So much to do today:
kill memory, kill pain,
turn heart into a stone,
and yeat prepare to live again.

Not quite. Hot summer's feast
brings rumours of carouse.
How long have I forseen
this brilliant day, this empty house?


All best,
Alexandra


-- 
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Scotland, with registration number SC005336.

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