Mayakovsky translation inquiry

[Sentinel76 Astrakhan]

I think you have a bigger problem.  You translated

И в пятках домовых трутся

As "household ghosts," while it has nothing to do with "домовые" :)  It just refers to the trains going by the lower floors of buildings, as well as by the tops of smokes (from chimneys, etc.).

I also hope that you try to preserve the rhymes, because they are among the strongest and most critical points of Mayakovsky's poetry.  I would translate this stanza something like:

And through the smokes, rising to singe,
The trains rub the buildings' panels.
They bring their tails to the Brooklyn Bridge, (or "Their ends ascend to the Brooklyn Bridge," if you want to keep the internal rhyme in Line 3)
Then hide in the Hudson tunnels.

Vadim


Date: Fri, 31 Aug 2012 13:50:05 +0400
From: cchenowe at GMAIL.COM
Subject: [SEELANGS] Mayakovsky translation inquiry
To: SEELANGS at LISTSERV.UA.EDU

Dear Seelangers,
I'm working on a translation of Mayakovsky's poem "Broadway", which contains a particularly tricky line about the New York City subway system - 


Вагоны / едут / и дымам под рост,
и в пятках / домовых / трутся...
The first question pertains to the use of "дымам" - does it imply that the trains are traveling with tall smoke? The use of the dative is befuddling. My translation currently reads as such - 


The wagons / travel / under tall smoke,
Rubbing shoulders with one another,
On the heels / of household ghosts.
Secondly, if anyone has any clearer suggestions for translating "трутся" here, it would be most welcome. I think I may be extrapolating a bit too much from such a small word. Thank you in advance,


Best regards,
Carly Chenoweth
P.S.A full version of "Broadway" may be found here.

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