Onegin translation

[Sentinel76 Astrakhan]

Overall, pretty good, in my opinion.  A couple of weak rhymes:  "Ludmila / hero" and "arisen / risen."  Also, shouldn't it be "to nurse A patient"?  Other than that, a fine work!

Vadim


 
> On 1/4/2012 7:24 AM, Josef Malkin wrote:
> > Dear all,
> >
> > For the last three years I was busy translating EO. I finished the rough version about two month ago. Having mostly very positive response, I dare to send to you a sample of my labor, and I would be very grateful for any feedback.
> >
> > With warm regards,
> >
> > Josef Malkin.

> 
> >
> > Not for the lofty nobles' leisure,
> > But as a genuine friendship's sign,
> > I wished to offer thee a treasure,
> > A present, worthy to be thine,
> > Worthwhile to be the true ideal
> > Of an accomplished, sacred dream,
> > Of poetry sincere and real,
> > Of higher thoughts, a candid theme;
> > Nevertheless, accept this scramble -
> > The motley chapters of my rhymes,
> > Half melancholic, half amusing,
> > Fairly ingenuous, yet musing,
> > The careless fruits of jolly times,
> > The sleepless nights, brief inspirations,
> > My youth, my wilted days, a chart
> > Of cold, cerebral observations
> > And grievous comments of my heart.
> >
> > I
> >
> > “My uncle, of most fair persuasion,
> > When taken seriously ill,
> > Enforced respect on the occasion -
> > His best idea, if you will.
> > A deed, for others worth exploring,
> > But goodness me, it is so boring
> > To nurse the patient day and night
> > And never dare to leave his sight!
> > False is pretending dedication
> > To entertain the almost dead,
> > Arrange his pillow, make his bed,
> > Serve dolefully his medication,
> > To heave a sigh, to wish him well
> > And think: “When will you go to hell!”
> >
> >
> > II
> >
> > This was the young cad's contemplation
> > While racing in a dusty coach,
> > An heir by Zeus's invocation
> > Of all his folks, with no reproach.
> > Dear friends of Ruslan and Ludmila!
> > Please, make acquaintance with my hero
> > Right here, right now, with no delay
> > I recommend to you today:
> > Onegin, my good friend, arisen
> > > From Neva's shores where maybe you,
> > My reader, saw the first light too,
> > And where your bright star may have risen.
> > I've strolled there too. But northern cold
> > Is bad for me, so I've been told.
> >
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> >
> 
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