Another Washington Post word contest

[Andrea Vine]

The Washington Post recently had a contest for readers in which they
were asked to supply possible alternate meanings for various
words.
The following were some of the winning entries:
>
>    1. Abdicate - v., to give up all hope of ever having a flat
> stomach.
>
>    2. Balderdash - n., a rapidly receding hairline.
>
>    3. Bustard - n., a very rude school bus driver.
>
>    4. Carcinoma - n., a valley in California, noted for its heavy
> smog.
>
>    5. Circumvent - n., the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
>
>    6. Coffee - n., a person who is coughed upon.
>
>    7. Flabbergasted - adj., appalled over how much weight you have
> gained.
>
>    8. Flatulence - n., the emergency vehicle that picks you up
> after you
>       are run over by a steamroller.
>
>    9. Negligent - adj., a kindly man in ladies sleepwear.
>
>   10. Rectitude - n., the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a
>       proctologist immediately before he examines you.
>
>   11. Semantics - n., pranks conducted by young men studying for
> the
>       priesthood, including such things as gluing the pages of the
>       priest's prayer book together just before Vespers.
>
>   17. Testicle - n., a humorous question on an exam.
>
>