A real hoot

[Thomas Paikeday]

I received the following story from two places (I don't take the NYT)
and thought it bears repetition. TMP.

>            New York Times,   March 2, 2000
>
>        English: The Hostile Takeover
>
>        By HENRY BEARD
>
>            Rumors are rampant in the tiny, tight-knit world of
>            dictionary compilers about what inside sources
>        are calling "the deal of the century, no matter what
>        century this actually is": the impending acquisition by a
>        consortium of companies -- including America Online
>        Time Warner, Microsoft, Amazon.com, Yahoo and
>        AT&T -- of the English language.
>
>        In recent days, word has spread among lexicographers
>        that these computer and Internet giants have entered into
>        an agreement with dictionary publishers and the
>        cash-strapped British royal family, formal holders of
>        the title to the Queen's English, to purchase exclusive
>        worldwide rights to the venerable language and its
>        offshoots, Baby Talk and Pidgin English.
>
>        According to a specialist in circumlocution at the
>        Library of Congress, ordinary people would still be
>        able to use English at no charge for casual
>        conversations "conducted in person without artificial
>        amplification." But communication in print or by
>        telephone, fax, e-mail, broadcast media, walkie-talkie
>        transmission or other "electronically enhanced modes"
>        would be subject to a small monthly user fee charged
>        directly to the "verbal subscriber" with the help of
>        monitoring equipment already installed in most
>        computer chips.
>
>        Although the full impact of the deal is impossible to
>        assess before all the details are made public, a noted
>        grammarian said he would certainly chafe under
>        proposed provisions that would permit the new owners
>        of English to restrict the use of derogatory words like
>        "bug," "crash," or "malfunction," and retire
>        objectionable terms like "monopoly," "fraud" or
>        "censorship."
>
>        Several linguists made it clear that they find little to
>        cheer about in what one of them described as "hollow
>        reassurances" that people would still be free to
>        communicate without restrictions by using hand signals,
>        sign language or personal semaphore flags.
>
>        A prominent professor of philology, requesting
>        anonymity, said she was profoundly concerned at
>        reports that the new owners of English might seek to
>        eliminate from the language certain "pejorative
>        proprietary expressions" like "this is a Mickey Mouse
>        outfit" or "it's another Edsel."
>
>        A thesaurus editor was troubled by suggestions that, in
>        a form of linguistic product placement, about 1,000
>        new words like "Budlightly," "Chevytough," and
>        "Metlifelike" would probably be added to the
>        vocabulary in future versions of English, starting with
>        the Idiom IV chip-compatible English 2001, which will
>        be available sometime next year for $97.
>
>        "I would say that Shakespeare is rolling in his grave,"
>        the head of a prominent university publishing house
>        remarked last week, "if it weren't for the fact that all
>        references to any possible reactions by Shakespeare to
>        current events have recently become the sole property
>        of bardofavon.com."
>
>        Henry Beard is the author of "Computing: A Hacker's
>        Lexicon."
>
>              Copyright 2000 The New York Times Company
>