Computer proverbs

[Baker, John]

        Although the other proverbs quoted below are not specific to
computers, no. 5 very much is.  The blinkenlights poster is considered
emblematic of pre-PC mainframes, when "hacker" was a term known only to
computer types and had no pejorative sense.  The "Blinkenlights
Archaeological Institute," http://www.blinkenlights.com/, is a web site
devoted to computer history.  It includes this text of the blinkenlights
poster on its home page:


ACHTUNG! Alles touristen und non-technischen peepers!
Das machine control is nicht fur gerfinger-poken und mittengrabben. Oderwise
is easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowen fuse, und poppencorken mit
spitzensparken.
Der machine is diggen by experten only. Is nicht fur geverken by das
dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseenen keepen das cotten picken hands in
das pockets, so relaxen und watchen das blinkenlights


John Baker


> -----Original Message-----
> From: James A. Landau [SMTP:JJJRLandau at AOL.COM]
> Sent: Wednesday, February 14, 2001 9:50 AM
> To:   ADS-L at LISTSERV.UGA.EDU
> Subject:      Re: Computer proverbs
>
> The following proverb-like mottos were popular at a computer center in the
> Pentagon where I worked at in the 1970's:
>
> 1)  No job is finished until the paperwork is done
>
> 2)  I must be a mushroom.  They keep me in the dark and feed me nothing
> but
> bullshit.
>
> 3)  You want it by when?
>
> 4)  When you are up to your ass in alligators, it is hard to remember that
> your original mission was to drain the swamp.
>
> 5) (A long text in mock-German, instructing the reader to keep his mitts
> off
> the equipment.  It ended with the request "und watchen der
> blinkenlights.")
>
> Also, a motto I only saw once:
>
> 6) Floggings WILL continue until morale improves
>
> I will be the first to admit that none of the above are specific to
> computers.
>
> 1) was available as a commercial poster, illustrated with a photo (from
> the
> side) of a nude man sitting on a toilet.  I also saw it illustrated with a
> drawing of a nude baby sitting on a potty.
>
> 2) I am less sure about this one but I think it was available as a
> commercial
> poster.  I have seen hand-written versions of it.  I don't recall any
> workers, male or female, objecting to the language, perhaps because the
> saying loses its force if bowderlzed
>
> 3) This was available as a commercial graphic, illustrated by line
> drawings
> of a bunch of people laughing maniacally.  This motto is meaningless
> without
> the graphic.
>
> 4)  Although I have seen this saying as quoted here, it more often
> appeared
> as the finale of a longer motto beginning something like "Our objective is
> to
> provide excellent service..."
>
> 5) Although I have seen hand-written copies, this was also available as a
> commercial sign, and due to its length the hand-written versions were
> almost
> certainly copied from the commercial version.
>
>
>       ********ETHNIC JOKE WARNING********
> In addition, I found an ethnic joke about a piece of hardware.  It
> requires
> some background:
>
>      At Michigan State University, where I was a student in the late 60's,
> the computer center had mainframes built by Control Data Corporation of
> Minneapolis.  The word "Minneapolis", as in "the customer engineers had to
> get a part from Minneapolis", was used as a synonom for "Control Data
> Corporation".
>      In the computer center a vending machine broke down and a few days
> later
> a sign appeared that was written in the jargon that would be used to
> describe
> a computer that was "down".  In the sign was text reading something like
> "the
> customer engineers are waiting for a part from Hamtramck".  (Hamtramck is
> a
> famous Polish section of Detroit.)
>
>               - James A. Landau