Twelve Words for Ice (Greenland, Denmark expressions)

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   My tour guide was from Denmark, so most of these are about Denmark rather than Greenland.

TWELVE WORDS FOR ICE--a German guide through the icebergs told us that Greenlandic has 12 words for ice.

COUNT TO TWELVE--also, that Greenlanders count to 12 in Greenlandic, and then use Danish for the high numbers.

GREENLANDIC COFFEE--served at my Hotel Hvide Falk, but I was told it's not unique to this hotel.  It's a heated glass filled with Kahlua and Ballentine's, and then a heated spoonful of Grand Marnier, with coffee and cream.  Or something like that--I haven't checked the web.

NICKEL COFFEE--Or, "five ore" coffee if you insist on a literal translation from the Danish.  Drop the nickel in a cup, pour coffee until you can't see the nickel, then schnapps until you see the nickel again.

SCHNAPPS--potato juice.

DRUNK AS A GREENLANDER or GREENLAND DRUNK or GREENLAND PISSED--alcoholism is a problem here.

NO COW IN THE ICE--no problem!  (Danish?)

GRANTBERG--something that doesn't work out.  After the failed Danish balloonist of this name.

TALK OVER THE POPE'S BEARD--a futile discussion (the pope doesn't have a beard).  "The emperor's beard" is a variant.

KARL-SMART--too smart (Danish).

KING CARROT--acting too important or like a big shot (Danish).

HERRING or SHARD (as in glass)--attractive woman (Danish).

PERKER--Persian (Danish).  "Shawarma" should be in both M-W and OED, because you might mistake it for the Danish national dish when walking through Copenhagen.  The country has immigrants from Iran and Iraq.

TAIL NEGRO--African.

GRITTY BLACK--someone from the Middle East.

EAST HOOKER--women from Eastern European countries now outnumber the Thais in this profession.  Not that I'd know anything about that.  It is not illegal to sell prostitution in Denmark, but it's illegal to buy.  My THIS WEEK IN COPENHAGEN had about ten pages in the back advertising the stuff--not that I looked.

WHO PEED ON YOUR SUGAR SANDWICH?--Danish description for a sour person.  Sugar sandwich is something handed out to kids.

WHEN IT RAINS ON THE PRIEST, IT DRIPS ON THE PRIEST'S ASSISTANT--nepotism/graft happens (Danish proverb).

BLOWING A PELLICAN--Danish weather expression like "raining cats and dogs."

EAGLE--good (Danish).

DOG--to fancy something, such as "he's a dog for soccer" (Danish).

FARTING FOR THE PRICE--bargaining (Danish).

SEXUAL POSITIONS (not that I'd know anything about this):
  DANISH--missionary. (Chuckle from guide--ed.)
  FRENCH--oral.
  GERMAN--S&M.
  GREEK--anal.
  SWEDISH--by hand.
  SPANISH--by the breasts.
  ITALIAN--by the armpit.

(Not that I've got anything against Italians.  Some of my best friends are Italian--or Danish.  I gotta go--it's after 1 a.m.  DOES IT EVER GET DARK IN THIS PLACE??--ed.)