Carbonated beverages

[Mark A Mandel]

On Mon, 2 Sep 2002, Mike Salovesh wrote:

#Like all normal human beings, I say "pop".  (I am aware, however, that
#there exist a few pockets where environmental deprivation has led to
#linguistic degradation. I have even heard that in the Greater East Coast
#Megalopolis there are a few sociopaths who still use "soda" as a generic
#for such beverages, but I prefer to believe this to be an urban legend.)

I'll legend YOU, sonny boy!

This calls for a bardic response. I call on John C. Bunnell, whose song,
posted to the rec.music.filk newsgroup Sun, 23 Apr 2000, covers the
territory very nicely. (I have made a small change and added a verse.)

-- Mark A. Mandel, The Filker With No Nickname
     http://world.std.com/~mam/filk.html

Some Call It Soda
words: John C. Bunnell (copyright 2000)
music: traditional ("Sweet Betsy From Pike", "Vilikins and His Dinah")

You begin with plain water, as clear as you might,
Then flavor and sweeten until it tastes right;
With CO2 bubbles this mixture infuse,
and you'll have a bev'rage that few can refuse.

    [In each chorus the first couplet is the same, the second
different.]
    Now some call it soda, and some call it pop,
    And some cannot drink it, and some cannot stop;
    (With cherry fudge cola white grape lemon-lime,
    You're sure to find something you like, given time.)

Now first came the colas, with sugar and spice;
The taste, it was bracing, the fizz, it was nice;
Though one little tidbit is hard to explain:
That once classic Coke got its kick from cocaine.

     (Squirt Dr. Brown's Bubble-Up Canada Dry;
      You're sure to find something you like, if you try.)

The flavors of citrus are frequently found,
As sure as the orange and grapefruit are round;
If lemon-lime bores you, then try tangerine,
Perhaps Mello Yello, or something in green.

     (With green apple cel-e-ry kiwi root beer,
      It's certain that something you like will appear.)

The spices in soda are sometimes obscure
(What is sarsaparilla?  I'm really not sure);
The roots in my root beer I fear I don't know;
As for Dr. Pepper -- no, there let's not go.

     (Since Mr. Pibb Sunkist Tab Jones Minute Maid,
     It's certain that something you like is displayed.)

If sugar's off limits, we've still drinks for you,
With saccharine, Splenda, and NutraSweet too;
Just fill up your beaker and cheerfully swig --
But try not to think of the words "guinea pig".

     (With passion fruit bubble gum almond cream peach,
     You're sure to find something you like within reach.)

Now some folk use soft drinks to keep them awake;
The sodas taste better than pills they might take;
For true sleep avoidance, the choice must be Jolt --
The cola so strong it makes rattlesnakes molt!

     On Green River Pepsi RC Diet Rite*
     You're sure to find something you like within sight.)

  [My insta-footnote -- MAM, posted the same date and next]
In Boston it's "tonic", down South it's all "coke".
As seltzer, it squirts for an old slapstick joke.
Whatever you call it, it's loaded with gas,
Which sounds mighty rude as from you it does pass.

     (Whether IBC Mountain Dew VernorÕs or Schweppes
     It's such a relief when you let out a grepps**.)

Much more could I tell you, and someday I might,
But if I tried now, I'd be singing all night;
Suffice that there's more in that can than you think --
And now that I'm finished, I sure need a drink!

     (With strawberry fu fu ginseng ginger ale,
     It's certain that something you like is for sale.)

        ========

[Notes from MAM:
* line changed to avoid duplicating "Schweppes"; was:
        On Green River Mountain Dew Schweppe's Diet Rite

** 'belch' (Yiddish)
-- end notes]

 "John C. Bunnell" <JCBunnell at sff.net>  rec.music.filk
Sun, 23 Apr 2000 23:30:22 GMT

Arising out of the recent "Supermarkets & Soda" thread.  The main reason
this took as long as it did to germinate was that it took a considerable
bit of work to perfect the changing lines in the chorus -- which mention
*only* brands and flavors of Carbonated Non-Alcoholic Beverages that
exist or have existed at one time or another.  (No, I have not tried
them all....)