Pittsburgh Christmas Carol

[Douglas G. Wilson]

A while back, the Pittsburgh pronunciation of "couch" came up. Here I find
it in a version of a Christmas song which has appeared in slightly varying
forms on the Web, and which I am told has been performed on the radio:

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Yinz better watch aht,
Yinz better not cry,
Yinz better not paht,
I'm tellin' yinz hahscome:
Santa Claus is comin' dahntahn.

He's makin' a list,
He's checkin' it aht,
He's gonna find aht who's nebby an' 'at:
Santa Claus is comin' dahntahn.

He knows if yinz's a jagoff,
He can see inside your hahss,
He knows if you've been workin' hard
Or sittin' on your cahch.

Yinz better watch aht,
Yinz better not cry,
Yinz better not paht,
I'm tellin yinz hahscome:
Santa Claus is comin' dahntahn.

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I've made my own judgement on the spellings. "Hahscome" = "how's come" =
"why". "An' 'at" = "and that". "Ah" generally = "ow" or "ou" (Pittsburgh
/a/ for /au/ or /aw/), thus "hahss" = "house" etc. This MAY furnish an
example of singular use of "yinz" = "you-uns" = "you-ones", the usual
Pittsburgh 2nd-person plural pronoun. "Jagoff" is presumably originally
"jackoff", like British "wanker", with its original meaning and obscenity
forgotten (cf. "[cute little] bugger", "bollix up", etc.).

-- Doug Wilson