Abbott and Costello

[James A. Landau]

(source unknown)

ABBOT: Super Duper Computer Store... Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about
buying a computer.

ABBOT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou

ABBOT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou

ABBOT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOT: Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?

ABBOT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOT: Software for Windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer!  I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?

ABBOT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOT: Yes

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office and it has windows!  OK, let's just say,
I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOT: The word you get when you click the blue W

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue w if you don't start with some
straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the internet?

ABBOT: Yes, you want Real-one.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your
business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOT: Real-one.

COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch
them?

ABBOT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great, with what?

ABBOT: Real-one.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOT: You click the blue 1

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOT: The blue 1.

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOT: The blue 1 is Real-one and the blue W is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there's three words in office for windows!

ABBOT: No, just one. but it's the most popular Word in the world

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left.  It pretty
much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is Real-one?

ABBOT: Real-one has nothing to do with Word. Real-one isn't even part of
Office.

COSTELLO: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping you
have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled to my computer?

ABBOT: Money

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOT: One copy

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOT: Why not, they own it.