the goomba speech pattern

[Susan Tamasi]

I know emails like this come around relatively often, but I've never seen
one with so much thrown into it. I also think it's amusing that the majority
of it has to do with food.
On the job market this year, I guess I need to label myself "professore of
the goombas".
-Susan


Let's start at the beginning:

       Come stai? Molto bene. Buon giorno. Ciao. Arrivederci.

       Every Italian from Italy knows these words and every American of
Italian descent should.

       But what about the goomba speech pattern? Those words and phrases
that are a little Italian, a little   American, and a little slang. Words
every paesano and bacciagaloop has heard,-words we hear on The Sopranos and
throughout our Little Italy neighborhoods of New York, New Jersey and South
Philly.

       This form of language, the "Goomba-Italiano" has  been used for
generations. It's not gangster slang terms like "whack" or "vig", if that's
what you are thinking---nope, this is real Guido tawk!

       The goomba says ciao when he arrives or leaves. He says Madonna mia
anytime emotion is needed in any given situation. Mannaggia, meengya, oofah,
and of course, va fongool can also be used. capeesh?

       He uses a mopeen to wipe his hands in the cuchina, gets agita from
the sauce (gravy to the NY NJ gang) and will shkeeve meatballs unless they
are homemade. Always dunk your bread in the pot of gravy (sauce) or you will
be considered a real coo-gootz or a mezzo-finookio.

       There are usually plenty of mamalukes and the girl from the
neighborhood with the reputation is a facia-bruta puttana or a schifosa
whooer.

       If you are called cattivo, cabbadost, sfatcheem,  stupido, or strunz,
you are usually a pain in the ass. A crazy diavlo can give you the malokya
(evil eye), but that red horn (contra malokya) will protect you if you use
it right.

       Don't forget to always say per favore and grazia and prego. If you
are feeling mooshadda or stoonad or  mezzo-morto, always head to Nonna's and
she will fix you up with a little homemade manicott', cavadell', or calamad
or some ricotta cheesecake.

       Mangia some zeppoles, canollis, torrone, struffoli, shfoolyadell',
pignoli cookies, or a little  nutella on pannetone.

       Delizioso! I think I will fix myself a sangweech of cabagol' with
some proshoot and mozarell' or maybe   just a hot slice of peetz.

       So salud' if you have any Italian blood in you and if you understood
anything written here.

       If so, you are numero uno and a professore of the goombas.

       If you don't get any of this, then fa nabola with the whole thing and
you are a disgraziato.

       Scuzi, me dispiachay, I didn't mean that.

       Just ... fugheddaboudit.

***********************************
Susan Tamasi
Visiting Assistant Professor
Program in Linguistics
Emory University