the euphemism "love"

[Arnold M. Zwicky]

there are well-known contexts in which "love" is used as a euphemism
for "sex" (or something more plain-spoken): "make love" for "have sex"
(for "fuck"), for example.  it's possible to be overscrupulous,
however; see Matthew Klam's "Fear and Laptops on the Campaign Trail",
NYT Magazine, 9/26/04, p. 44:
-----
[Blogger] Atrios was assembling a few words about Ed Schrock, a
conservative Republican congressman vocal in his disavowal of the
rights of gays, who had now been accused of solicting gay love.
-----

well, in the tape i heard, the caller was not soliciting gay love -- no
talk about walks on the beach, affection, companionship, and so on --
but gay sex, specifically getting naked together for "play".  going
down on each other was explicitly mentioned.

those of you who care passionately about clarity should avoid this
euphemism, because of the ambiguity it introduces.

in any case, solicitations of affectionate companionship between people
of the same sex -- of (potential) gay love -- tend to appear in very
different venues than solicitations of sex.  on the one hand, there are
dating sites, which offer to help you "find your dream man today" and
to "find true friendship or real love".  on the other hand, there are
sites that describe themselves as providing "gay sex personals" and
have names like Men4SexNow and dickhunter.  (nothing is utterly simple,
of course.  i happen to know that there are men who advertise for Gay!
Sex!  NOW!  but hope that after the satisfactions of sex the two of you
will start dating and end up sharing your lives together.  this
actually happens.)

there's plenty of confusion around between sexual attraction
(desire/lust), love, and sex acts.  i see that Jonathan Ned Katz's book
Love Stories has the subtitle Sex Between Men Before Homosexuality, and
this despite the fact that some of the nineteenth century men he talks
about almost surely did not engage in genital sex acts with one
another.  the book is about intimate friendships tinged with sexual
feelings (often, i grant, accompanied by sex acts), and it treats these
relationships with sensitivity and nuance.  still, the "sex" in the
subtitle strikes me as misleading.

arnold (zwicky at csli.stanford.edu)