Predate

[Jonathon Green]

Older members may recall that glutinous piece of religiosity, 'Deck of
Cards', a hit for country singer Wink Martindale in 1959. While it had
already been sung/recorded by Tex Ritter in 1948, I for one was not
aware of this somewhat earlier pedigree. Perhaps I am alone in this
ignorance, if so, apologies. For those wish to refresh their memories of
the Martindale version, there are a good number of websites available.

Jonathon Green

Sporting Magazine vol. VII Nov. 1795 pp. 90-92

Pack of Cards Spiritualized; or, the Consecration of the Books.

Richard Middleton, a private soldier, attending divine service with the
rest of his regiment, in a kirk at Glasgow, instead of referring to a
bible, like his brother-soldiers, to find the parson's text, pulled out
from his pocket a pack of cards, which he spread before him. This
singular behaviour did not long pass unnoticed, both by the clergyman
and the serjeant of the company to which he belonged : the latter, in
particular, commanded him to put up the cards; and, on his refusal,
conducted Middleton, after church service, before the major, to whom he
preferred a formal complaint of Richard's indecent demeanour during the
divine ceremony. 'Well, soldier," said the major, 'what excuse have you
to offer for this strange and scandalous conduct ? if you can make any
apology, or assign any reason for it, 'tis well; if you cannot, assure
yourself that I will cause you to be severely punished.'

Defence.

'Since your honor is so good," replied Richard, " as to permit me to
speak for myself, an't please your worship, I have been eight days upon
the march, with the bare allowance of six-pence per day, which your
honour will surely allow is hardly sufficient to maintain a man in meat,
drink, washing, and other necessaries, and consequently he may want
without a bible, prayer-book, or any other good book.'
On saying this, Richard drew out his pack of cards, and, presenting one
of the aces to the mayor, continued his address to the magistrate as
follows :
'When I see an ace, may it please your honour, it reminds me that there
is only one God ; and when I look upon a two or a three, the former puts
me in mind of the father and son ; the latter, of the father, son, and
holy ghost. A four calls to my remembrance the four evangelists,
Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John ; a five, the five wise virgins, who were
ordered to trim their lamps, (there were ten indeed, but five your
worship may remember, were wise, and five were foolish); a six, that in
six days God created, heaven and earth; a seven, that on the seventh day
he rested from, all that he had made; an eight of the eight righteous
persons preserved from the deluge, viz. Noah and his wife, with his
three sons and their wives ; a nine, of the lepers cleansed by our
saviour; there were ten, but one only returned to offer his tribute of
thanks; and a ten, of the ten commandments."
Richard then took the knave, placed it beside him, and passed on to the
queen, on which he observed as follows: "this queen reminds me of the
Queen of Sheba, who came from the uttermost parts of the earth, to hear
the wisdom of Solomon; as her companion, the king does, of the great
King of Heaven, and of our most gracious King George the Third."
" Well," returned the mayor, you have given me a very full and good
description of all the cards, except the knave."
"If your honour will not be angry with me," replied Richard, " I can
give you the same satisfaction upon that as any in the pack."
" No," said the mayor," I will not be angry, proceed."
•'Well," resumed the soldier, 'the greatest knave I know, is the
Serjeant who brought me before you."
" I do not know," answered the mayor, " whether he be the greatest knave
or not, but I am sure he is the greatest fool."
The soldier then continued, as follows: "When I count the number of dots
in a pack of cards, there are three hundred and sixty-five, so many days
are there in a year ; when I count how many cards are in a pack, I find
fifty-two, so many weeks are there in a year : when I reckon how many
tricks are won by a pack, I find there are thirteen, so many months are
there in a year. So that this pack of cards, indisputably, proves itself
both bible, almanack, and prayer-book to me."

The mayor calling his servants, ordered them to entertain the soldier,
and giving him money, pronounced Richard Middleton the cleverest fellow
he had ever heard of.