"If it harelips X"

[Douglas G. Wilson]

>The Southern (esp. Texan) expression "If it harelips X" has been discussed
>in a 1998 Random House Maven entry, a 2003 ADS-L thread, and a Jan. '05
>Wordorigins thread:
>
>http://www.randomhouse.com/wotd/index.pperl?date=19980625
>http://listserv.linguistlist.org/cgi-bin/wa?A2=ind0302A&L=ADS-L&P=3253
>http://p098.ezboard.com/fwordoriginsorgfrm17.showMessage?topicID=462.topic
>
>It's not in OED or HDAS, though DARE has "harelip the government, ~ the
>governor, ~ hell, ~ every mule in Texas, ~ all the hogs in Texas." No
>doubt the most famous usage is the line in _Dr. Strangelove_ by Slim
>Pickens as Major "King" Kong: "I'm gonna get them doors open if it
>harelips everybody on Bear Creek." Pickens, a onetime rodeo cowboy from
>California's Central Valley, came up with the line himself, according to
>an interview he did when the movie came out:
>
>-----
>1964 _Oakland Tribune_ 30 Jan. 18/3 "He [sc. Stanley Kubrick] will change
>the lines around 'til they sound right to him. One time he says to me,
>'Slim, what would a cowboy say instead of "I'll do it if it kills me?"'
>Well, I remembered this fella I used to know in rodeoin', and he would
>say, 'I'll do it if it harelips everybody in Bear Creek.' Stanley liked
>that line, so we used it in the movie."
>-----
>
>DARE has the expression from 1960 (with other sources claiming it was used
>earlier in the century). Here are three cites from the '50s:
>
>-----
>1951 _Newport (R.I.) Daily News_ 2 Jun. 6/4 Do you like to collect
>old-fashioned sayings? I do, because they have a down to earth freshness
>that never stales. Here's my current favorite: "I'll do it — yes, I'll go
>ahead and do it even if it harelips the whole family."
>[syndicated column by Hal Boyle of the Associated Press]
>-----
>1954 _Van Wert (Ohio) Times Bulletin_ 15 Feb. 4/8 If it hare~lipped me and
>all my folks, I had to do it!
>["The Doctor Disagrees" by Elizabeth Seifert, King Features Syndicate]
>-----
>1959 _N.Y. Times_ 22 Nov. (Book Review) 71/2 H.B.A. writes: "Can anyone
>identify the origin of the following expression: 'If it harelips the
>queen'? It is used to connote the ultimate in resistance to a desired
>action. For example, I might say, 'I will find the source of this
>expression if it harelips the queen.'"
>-----

DARE glosses this "harelip" [v.] as "disfigure or destroy", but I don't
know of any example which supports this 'definition'. I tentatively propose
the alternative gloss "pester or vex or annoy". Then "[even] if it harelips
[some arbitrary entity or entities]" would mean "no matter who is
vexed/inconvenienced". It seems reasonable, and it allows a speculative
etymology: "harelip" as euphemism for "hare-ass" [v.]. When one is
hare-assed, he is said to "get a [wild] hare up his ass", right? Some
people might write "... hair up his ass", but (1) a hair is too small to
cause any agitation when applied to one's arse and (2) "a wild hare" is a
more likely collocation than "a wild hair". Some people might write
"hairlip" too. Or even "harass".

-- Doug Wilson