Texas lawyer jokes (three kick rule; skid marks)

Tue Sep 4 16:20:27 UTC 2007

The onloy one of these I've heard is the one about the skid marks, though when I heard it, it was a "dead skunk" in the road and not associated with Texas.  At about the same time I heard, "How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving."

  That was long ago, maybe the late '80s, but I wouldn't want to swear to it. Certainly before 1997.

  JL

Barry Popik <bapopik at GMAIL.COM> wrote:
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Sender: American Dialect Society
Poster: Barry Popik
Subject: Texas lawyer jokes (three kick rule; skid marks)
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Has Fred researched these Texas lawyer jokes? Maybe someone with FACTIVA can
find earlier cites? They don't seem to go back very far.
...
You know: "How can you tell the difference between a dead lawyer in the road
and a dead armadillo in the road? There are skid marks in front of the
armadillo!" The joke probably started with a dog or a snake being run over.
...
The "three kick rule" joke--in an early version--involves Johnnie Cochran
hunting in Montana.
...
Somehow, these jokes got applied to Texas, as all rural/hillbilly/redneck
jokes are.
...
...
...

http://www.barrypopik.com/index.php/texas/entry/difference_between_dead_armadillo_and_dead_lawyer_in_road_the_armadillo_has/
...
...
...
http://www.barrypopik.com/index.php/texas/entry/texas_three_kick_rule_lawyer_joke/
...
Entry from September 03, 2007
Texas Three-Kick Rule (lawyer joke)

Texas does not have a "three-kick rule." The internet-popular joke has it
that some big-city California (or New York City) lawyer is duck hunting in
East Texas, and...well, see below for the rest.

It's been called the Texas Three Kick Rule, Louisiana Three Kick Rule,
Arizona Three Kick Rule, Montana Three Kick Rule, Minnesota Three Kick Rule,
Tennessee Three Kick Rule, and the "three kick rule" of a lot of other
places. The joke dates from the 1990s.

Laughing at Lawyers
A hotshot New York City lawyer went duck hunting down in South Texas. Before
long, the lawyer shoots and drops a bird, but it falls into a farmer's field
on the other side of the fence. As the lawyer begins to climb over the
fence, an elderly farmer drives up on his tractor and asks the lawyer what
in the blue blazes he thinks he is doing. The lawyer responds, "I shot a
duck and it fell in this field and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old codger replied, "You better hold your horses there sonny. This is my
property and you're not coming over here."

The lawyer, more than a bit miffed at the old farmer's gruff attitude,
responded, "Look old timer, I'm one of the best trial lawyers in America and
if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take you to the
cleaners."

The farmer smiles at the lawyer and says, "Apparently you don't know how we
do things down here in Texas. We settle disagreements like this with the
Texas three kick rule."

The lawyer asks, "What in the heck is the Texas three kick rule?"

"Well," says the farmer, "first I kick you three times and then you kick me
three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he
could easily take the farmer and agreed to abide by the local custom. The
farmer then slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked over to the city
feller. His first kick planted the toe of his boot into the lawyer's groin
and dropped the lawyer to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the
lawyer's nose off of his face. The lawyer was now flat on his back when the
farmer's third kick to the kidney nearly caused the lawyer to give up. The
lawyer then summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet
and said, "Okay, you old coot, now it's my turn."

To which the old farmer coolly replied, "No, I give up. You can have the
duck."

Google Groups: rec.humor
Newsgroups: rec.humor
From: gwlu... at aol.com (GWLucky)
Date: 1997/12/16
Subject: Montana Three Kick Rule

Johnny Cochran was duck hunting in Montana recently, when he attempted to
cross a fence into a field to retrieve a duck he had shot. A farmer suddenly
pulled up in his pick-up truck, jumped out, and asked Mr. Cochran what he
was doing on his property. "Retrieving this duck that I just shot", he
replied.

"That duck is on my side of the fence, so now it's mine," replied the
farmer.

Mr. Cochran asked the farmer if he recognized who he was talking to. "No",
replied the farmer, "I don't know, and I don't care."

"I am Johnny Cochran, famous lawyer from Los Angeles", came the reply. "I am
the lawyer that got O.J. Simpson off. I'm the reason he is a free man today.
And if you don't let me get that duck, I can sue you for your farm, your
truck, and everything else you own. I'll leave you penniless on the street."

"Well," said the farmer, "In Montana the only law we go by is the '3 kicks
law'."

"Never heard of it", said Johnny.

The farmer said, "I get to kick you 3 times, and if you make it back to your
feet and are able to kick me back 3 times, that duck is yours".

Cochran thought this over. He grew up in a tough neighborhood and figured he
could take this old farmer. "Fair enough", he said.

So the farmer kicked Johnny violently in the groin. As he was doubling over,
the farmer kicked him in the face, and when he hit the ground, he kicked him
hard in the ribs. After several moments, Johnny slowly made it back to his
feet. "Alright, now it's my turn", said Johnny.

"Aw, forget it", said the farmer. "You can have the duck."

Google Groups: alt.fifty-plus.friends
Newsgroups: alt.fifty-plus.friends
From: fullhousenspa... at aol.com (Fullhousenspades)
Date: 2000/07/07
Subject: Texas Three Kick Rule(Oldie but goodie)

Texas Three Kick Rule

A big-city, California, lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas.

He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other
side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his
tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now
I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over
here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S.
and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you
own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things
in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick
Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?"

The Farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me
three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up." The
attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he
could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the
city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the
lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped
the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the
farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and
said, "Okay, you old coot! Now, it's my turn!"

The old farmer smiled and said, "No, I give up. You can have the duck!"

Google Books
*East Texans Love To Talk*
by Matthew Bonnet
Xlibris Corporation
2001
Pg. 50:
"Well, Mr. Lawyer. Obviously you don't know how we do things here in East
Texas. When two men have a situation like this, we solve it with the Three
Kick Rule."

Google Books
*Best Lawyer Jokes Ever*
by Sterling Publishing Company
New York
2003
Pg. 84:
"What is the Arizona Three Kick Rule?"

Google Books
*Top Secret Missions*
by John E. Malone
Victoria, BC: Trafford Publishing
2003
Pg. 252:
The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?"

Google Books
*A Collection of Jokes and Funny Stories from the Internet!*
by Marvin Lebman
Victoria, BC: Trafford Publishing
2004
Pg. 284:
"What is the Tennessee Three-Kick Rule?"

Southern Maryland Community
Forums
DoWhat
06-16-2004, 09:38 AM
(...)
The lawyer asked, "What is the Louisiana Three Kick Rule?"

Senior Citizen Humor
Blog
Sunday, August 12, 2007
*Texas Three Kick Rule*
A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and
dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a
fence.... As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up
on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I
shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over
here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in
the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take
everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't
know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with
the Texas Three-Kick-Rule." The lawyer asked, What is the Texas
Three-Kick-Rule?." The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times
and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone
gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and
decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the
local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked
up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot
into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly
wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on this belly when
the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The lawyer
summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "OK,
you old coot! now, it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "No I give
up, you can have the duck.

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