Alleged Washington Post neologism contest results

[Joel S. Berson]

Recently sent to me is the following alleged winners' list from the
Washington Post yearly neologism contest.  However, I find in a
message in the ADS-L archives from 9 Feb 2001 --Subject: Neologisms
-- ten of the same words.*  What's going round --
infoolenza?  ("Viral hoaxes on the INternet.")

* Plus two others not below -- intaxication and
reintarnation.  Perhaps they didn't have long legs.

I didn't find any such results -- or even contest! -- in the
Washington Post archives.  But maybe I didn't look well (already
suffering from infoolenza?).

Irregardless, many of the following list are clever.

Joel

>Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning
>submissions to its  yearly neologism contest, in which readers are
>asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.
>
>The winners are:
>
>1. Coffee (n..), the person upon whom one coughs.
>
>2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
>
>3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
>
>4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
>
>5. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you
>absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
>
>6. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
>
>7. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavored mouthwash.
>
>8. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
>run over by a steamroller.
>
>19. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
>
>10. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
>
>11. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
>
>12. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
>
>13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
>
>14. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief
>that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
>
>15. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
>Jewish men.
>
>
>The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take
>any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or
>changing one letter,  and supply a new definition.
>
>Here are this year's winners:
>
>1. Bozone (n..): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
>bright ideas from penetrating.  The bozone layer, unfortunately,
>shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
>
>2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the
>purpose of getting laid.
>
>3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
>subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
>
>4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
>
>5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and
>the person who doesn't get it.
>
>6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
>
>7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
>
>8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit).
>
>9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all
>these really bad vibes, right?  And then, like, the Earth explodes
>and it's like, a serious bummer.
>
>10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
>consuming only things that are good for you.
>
>11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
>
>12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
>when they come at you rapidly.
>
>13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
>you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
>
>14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into
>your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
>
>15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub
>in the fruit you're eating.
>
>And the pick of the literature:
>
>16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
>

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