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[Ronald Butters]

Did this list already get posted here? If so, my apologies. I found it delightful.

> The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.  
> 
> Here are the winners:  
>    
> 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. 
>   
> 2 Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole. 
>    
> 3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 
>    
> 4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 
>    
> 5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.  
>   
> 6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.  
>    
> 7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.  
>    
> 8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 
>    
> 9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 
>    
> 10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 
>    
> 11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.  
>    
> 12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 
>    
> 13. Glibido : All talk and no action.  
>    
> 14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.  
>    
> 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a  spider web. 
>    
> 16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 
>    
> 17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
>  
>  
> The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. 
>    
> And the winners are: 
> 
> 1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.  
>    
> 2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.  
>    
> 3.  Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 
>    
> 4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk. 
>    
> 5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.  
>    
> 6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown. 
>    
> 7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp. 
>    
> 8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash. 
>    
> 9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller. 
>    
> 10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline. 
>    
> 11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.  
>    
> 12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.  
>    
> 13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist. 
> 
> 14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.  
>    
> 15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. 
>    
> 16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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