Cuchini

[Victor Steinbok]

OK, I'm going to reproduce the content in full, so, please, do not throw
rotten tomatoes at me. This was posted on Facebook with a respective
photo. I'll let you read the whole thing. Oodles of material to sift
through.

VS-)

> Holy shitballs! Are you F’ing kidding me? Have you seen this?! One of
> you is my hero and brought this to my attention. It’s called the
> Cuchini Camel Toe pad. Let me repeat— Camel. Toe. Pad. As you can
> imagine, my mind is imploding with thoughts right now.
>
> 1. Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!
>
> 2. In case you don’t know what camel toe is, it’s what happens when
> your pants are too tight and they ride up your hoo-ha so everyone can
> see your genital crack and it looks like the F’ing toe of a camel.
> Yes, I got that from Webster’s Dictionary.
>
> 3. Okay, call me cray cray but I always assumed that people who had
> this camel toe problem didn’t know they had it. I mean who the hell
> knowingly walks out of their house with their pants going up their
> vajayjay?
>
> 4. The amazon ad keeps talking about how “a frontal wedgie” is like
> the most common wardrobe problem. A. Frontal wedgie— milk just came
> out my nose! And B. Seriously? Because if it were, they’d be selling
> this shit at Tarjay. Or maybe at Victoria’s Secret but it’d say
> something on the front like “remove before tapping.”
>
> 5. I gotta wonder about all those women who always look so put
> together like Michelle Obama and Kate Middleton. Or the people on the
> red carpet. Do you think they’re all wearing camel toe pads? If so I’d
> feel a little better about it. Nahhh, that’s bullshit, no I wouldn’t.
>
> 6. Okay, this is the only review that’s up on Amazon so far: “This
> does work in hiding that embarrassing camel toe, but I wish it was
> thinner. You can see the outline of it with your swim suit on. Overall
> it gets the job done and to me it's better to be able to see the
> cuchini outline rather than a camel toe!”
>
> No no no no no no no! Seeing the cuchini pad outline IS JUST AS BAD as
> seeing camel toe. Correction, IT’S WORSE. ‘Cause basically you’re
> admitting that you KNOW you have camel toe. Please, for the love of
> God, go to the store and buy a new bathing suit that doesn’t ride up
> your vajayjay.
>
> 7. Cuchini? Ahhhhhh, it’s like they took the word coochie and said now
> how to we make it sound classy? I know! Let’s make it sound Italian!
> Le coochie? No. Il cucchi? No. Cuchini. Yes!
>
> 8. I want to know, if you’re at a club and looking all awesome and
> shit because your camel toe pad is preventing a frontal wedgie, and
> you meet this beefy meathead and go back to his crib to hook up, when
> do you remove your camel toe pad? I mean, do you wait until he finds
> it and he’s like WTF is this, a vagina pad to make your hoo-ha look
> smoother? Or do you stealthily go to the bathroom and remove it and
> pray when you walk out of the bathroom that he doesn’t see your
> frontal wedgie and get turned off? Or is he feeling you down over your
> panties and is he like where the hell is your crack?
>
> 8. OMG, do you know what this makes you look like?! One of those
> Barbie dolls who just has a smooth plastic area where her crack should
> be?! Okay that’s just creepy.
>
> 9. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Yeah, I know I said this already, but
> it’s important enough to say twice.

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The American Dialect Society - http://www.americandialect.org