Cuchini

[Jonathan Lighter]

A classic utterance of our civilization.

JL


On Fri, Apr 19, 2013 at 2:52 AM, Victor Steinbok <aardvark66 at gmail.com>wrote:

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> Sender:       American Dialect Society <ADS-L at LISTSERV.UGA.EDU>
> Poster:       Victor Steinbok <aardvark66 at GMAIL.COM>
> Subject:      Cuchini
>
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>
> OK, I'm going to reproduce the content in full, so, please, do not throw
> rotten tomatoes at me. This was posted on Facebook with a respective
> photo. I'll let you read the whole thing. Oodles of material to sift
> through.
>
> VS-)
>
> > Holy shitballs! Are you F’ing kidding me? Have you seen this?! One of
> > you is my hero and brought this to my attention. It’s called the
> > Cuchini Camel Toe pad. Let me repeat— Camel. Toe. Pad. As you can
> > imagine, my mind is imploding with thoughts right now.
> >
> > 1. Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!
> >
> > 2. In case you don’t know what camel toe is, it’s what happens when
> > your pants are too tight and they ride up your hoo-ha so everyone can
> > see your genital crack and it looks like the F’ing toe of a camel.
> > Yes, I got that from Webster’s Dictionary.
> >
> > 3. Okay, call me cray cray but I always assumed that people who had
> > this camel toe problem didn’t know they had it. I mean who the hell
> > knowingly walks out of their house with their pants going up their
> > vajayjay?
> >
> > 4. The amazon ad keeps talking about how “a frontal wedgie” is like
> > the most common wardrobe problem. A. Frontal wedgie— milk just came
> > out my nose! And B. Seriously? Because if it were, they’d be selling
> > this shit at Tarjay. Or maybe at Victoria’s Secret but it’d say
> > something on the front like “remove before tapping.”
> >
> > 5. I gotta wonder about all those women who always look so put
> > together like Michelle Obama and Kate Middleton. Or the people on the
> > red carpet. Do you think they’re all wearing camel toe pads? If so I’d
> > feel a little better about it. Nahhh, that’s bullshit, no I wouldn’t.
> >
> > 6. Okay, this is the only review that’s up on Amazon so far: “This
> > does work in hiding that embarrassing camel toe, but I wish it was
> > thinner. You can see the outline of it with your swim suit on. Overall
> > it gets the job done and to me it's better to be able to see the
> > cuchini outline rather than a camel toe!”
> >
> > No no no no no no no! Seeing the cuchini pad outline IS JUST AS BAD as
> > seeing camel toe. Correction, IT’S WORSE. ‘Cause basically you’re
> > admitting that you KNOW you have camel toe. Please, for the love of
> > God, go to the store and buy a new bathing suit that doesn’t ride up
> > your vajayjay.
> >
> > 7. Cuchini? Ahhhhhh, it’s like they took the word coochie and said now
> > how to we make it sound classy? I know! Let’s make it sound Italian!
> > Le coochie? No. Il cucchi? No. Cuchini. Yes!
> >
> > 8. I want to know, if you’re at a club and looking all awesome and
> > shit because your camel toe pad is preventing a frontal wedgie, and
> > you meet this beefy meathead and go back to his crib to hook up, when
> > do you remove your camel toe pad? I mean, do you wait until he finds
> > it and he’s like WTF is this, a vagina pad to make your hoo-ha look
> > smoother? Or do you stealthily go to the bathroom and remove it and
> > pray when you walk out of the bathroom that he doesn’t see your
> > frontal wedgie and get turned off? Or is he feeling you down over your
> > panties and is he like where the hell is your crack?
> >
> > 8. OMG, do you know what this makes you look like?! One of those
> > Barbie dolls who just has a smooth plastic area where her crack should
> > be?! Okay that’s just creepy.
> >
> > 9. Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Yeah, I know I said this already, but
> > it’s important enough to say twice.
>
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