[Ads-l] Dueling dialects

[Baker, John]

Vulpes vulpes, if granted standing, can easily maintain a colorable claim against the oil refineries.  Service of process is unproblematic, there is no question of jurisdiction, and environmental statutes set out clear causes of action.  These are all issues for the Eurasian red squirrel:  serving process is difficult or impossible, jurisdiction is questionable, and while genocide may be a crime against humanity, it's unclear that it's an actionable crime against sciuridity.

On the whole, I'm reminded of the famous case of United States ex rel. Mayo v. Satan and His Staff, 54 F.R.D. 282 (W.D. Pa. 1971).  It's fairly short, so full text follows my signature.


John Baker


WEBER, District Judge.

Plaintiff, alleging jurisdiction under 18 U.S.C. § 241, 28 U.S.C. § 1343, and 42 U.S.C. § 1983 prays for leave to file a complaint for violation of his civil rights in forma pauperis. He alleges that Satan has on numerous occasions caused plaintiff misery and unwarranted threats, against the will of plaintiff, that Satan has placed deliberate obstacles in his path and has caused plaintiff's downfall.

Plaintiff alleges that by reason of these acts Satan has deprived him of his constitutional rights.

We feel that the application to file and proceed in forma pauperis must be denied. Even if plaintiff's complaint reveals a prima facie recital of the infringement of the civil rights  of a citizen of the United States, the Court has serious doubts that the complaint reveals a cause of action upon which relief can be granted by the court. We question whether plaintiff may obtain personal jurisdiction over the defendant in this judicial district. The complaint contains no allegation of residence in this district. While the official reports disclose no case where this defendant has appeared as defendant there is an unofficial account of a trial in New Hampshire where this defendant filed an action of mortgage foreclosure as plaintiff. The defendant in that action was represented by the preeminent advocate of that day, and raised the defense that the plaintiff was a foreign prince with no standing to sue in an American Court. This defense was overcome by overwhelming evidence to the contrary.  Whether or not this would raise an estoppel in the present case we are unable to determine at this time.  

If such action were to be allowed we would also face the question of whether it may be maintained as a class action.  It appears to meet the requirements of Fed.R. of Civ.P. 23 that the class is so numerous that joinder of all members is impracticable, there are questions of law and fact common to the class, and the claims of the representative party is typical of the claims of the class. We cannot now determine if the representative party will fairly protect the interests of the class.  

We note that the plaintiff has failed to include with his complaint the required form of instructions for the United States Marshal for directions as to service of process.

For the foregoing reasons we must exercise our discretion to refuse the prayer of plaintiff to proceed in forma pauperis.

It is ordered that the complaint be given a miscellaneous docket number and leave to proceed in forma pauperis be denied.


-----Original Message-----
From: American Dialect Society [mailto:ADS-L at LISTSERV.UGA.EDU] On Behalf Of Joel Berson
Sent: Thursday, May 18, 2017 9:55 AM
To: ADS-L at LISTSERV.UGA.EDU
Subject: Re: Dueling dialects

Where is the lawyer for the Eurasian red squirrel, which is being subjected to genocide in Europe by the eastern gray squirrel, introduced there from America by humans?


Joel

      From: Wilson Gray <hwgray at GMAIL.COM>
 To: ADS-L at LISTSERV.UGA.EDU 
 Sent: Wednesday, May 17, 2017 11:19 PM
 Subject: [ADS-L] Dueling dialects
   
The headline in my mailbox read:

"Hire A Lawyer For This Fox!"

I thought, Whoa, what is this?! Some new, porn-based version of the
Nigerian letter?!

When I saw the opening sentence,

"Red foxes and oil don't mix well. This guy and his fellow vulpis vulpis
[sic; a hypocorrection of _Vulpes vulpes_ by a writer untutored in both the
classics and zoology] used to rule the roost in places like Baytown, Texas
(just outside of Houston), and other wooded coastal lands."

then I realized that it was an anti-oil-refinery message from an
environmental group.

-- 
-Wilson
-----
All say, "How hard it is that we have to die!"---a strange complaint to
come from the mouths of people who have had to live.
-Mark Twain

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