y'all-omigod-bonics

[Laurence Horn]

At 11:43 AM -0800 11/28/05, Arnold M. Zwicky wrote:
>the following bit of dialect mockery was posted by mike mckinley on
>soc.motss, 11/.23/05.  it can be found several places on the web, but
>so far no attribution has been found.  for for those of you who are
>entertained by this sort of thing:
>
>-------
>The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of the
>seemingly endless taxpayer dollar pipeline through Washington
>designating Southern slang, or y'allbonics, as a
>language to be taught in all Southern schools.
>
>The following are excerpts from the Y'allbonics/English dictionary:
>
>HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.
>
>HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage
>"Heidi, Hire yew?"
>
>BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow. "Usage
>"My brother bard my pickup truck."
>
>JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
>Usage "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
>
>BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is
>Berminhayum.

Shaw is a curious way to pernounce "Montgomery", but what do I know?
I'm a ingnert damyankee.

Larry

>Usage "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left
>$20,000,000 in improvements."
>
>MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division. Usage "My brother from
>Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in
>munts."
>
>THANK - (verb) - Cognitive process. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a
>bare."
>
>BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and
>yeast. Usage "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
>
>IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage
>"Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"
>
>RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage "I
>thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my
>brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
>
>ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage "I sure hope
>my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
>
>FAR - (noun) - A conflagration. Usage "If my brother from Jawjuh
>don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna
>catch far."
>
>TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel. Usage "Gee, I hope that brother
>of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
>
>TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument. Usage "Lord willin' and the
>creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in
>Paris sometime."
>
>RETARD - (verb) - To stop working. Usage "My grampaw retard at
>age 65."
>
>FAT - (noun), (verb) -- a battle or combat; to engage in battle
>or combat. Usage "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup
>y'uh."
>
>RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege. Usage "We
>Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
>
>CHEER - (adverb) In this place. Usage "Just set that bare rat
>cheer."
>
>FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic. Usage "I cuddint unnerstand a
>wurd he sed ... must be from some farn country."
>
>DID - (adjective) - Not alive. Usage "He's did, Jim."
>
>ARE - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas Oxygen. Usage "He
>cain't breathe...give 'im some ARE!"
>
>BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable. Usage "Boy, stay away
>from that bob war fence."
>
>JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction. Usage "Jew here that
>my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence
>cump'ny?"
>
>HAZE - a contraction. Usage "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze
>ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."
>
>SEED - (verb) -- past tense of "to see".
>
>VIEW - contraction (verb) and pronoun. Usage "I ain't never seed
>New York City ... view?"
>
>GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution. Usage "Them
>gubmint boys shore is ignert."